


Orivar Drabble Collection

by Skegulium



Series: Fantrolls - Orivar Drabbles [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drowning, F/M, Impending Death, Kidnapping, Mourning, THERE'S ONE FLUFFY DRABBLE IN HERE THOUGH, THIS IS A REAL JUNK DRAWER OF DRABBLES, and only one of them is fluffy and that turns bittersweet, bittersweet feelings, clowns executed mutants and oh boy is she a mutant, each drabble will have a note listing it's specific tags too, held captive, implied abusive relationship, romantic pining, self hatred, the troll version of babies, wriggler death, you know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:02:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22915180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skegulium/pseuds/Skegulium
Summary: Hatched a mutant, Orivar Tyrgan has lived most of her life under the umbrella of paranoia and fear - and typically, it manifests as anger and violence. She's not a kind troll and her rough experiences as a wriggler growing up have left a lot of marks on her psyche as she fought tooth and nail for the right to survive, let alone thrive. Nowadays, she's hard at work trying to sand down her rough edges and realize that it's okay to trust others and be happy.These are a few snapshots of some of those moments too small to stand alone as a fic.
Series: Fantrolls - Orivar Drabbles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1119675
Kudos: 1





	1. Patience is a Virtue (Inktober Drabble - Underwater)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags for this drabble:  
> Drowning  
> Wriggler death  
> Mentions of kidnapping

**== > Krakendad | 564 Sweeps | Outside of the Northern Caverns' Seadweller Pools**

Patience was a virtue. It’s something you’ve heard many times before, through the soft touches of hands on your face and the soft bubble of sound through water. Little grey eyes - smaller than the tiniest suckers on your tentacles - would stare at you with a doe-eyed wetness that had nothing to do with the water around the two of you. A doe-ness that would make your heart ache now - if it wasn’t sadness that made it ache instead.

It’s hard to forget the charges you’ve had through the sweeps. You had started young and you’ve lost so… so many little pupas under your watch. One was killed in a boat accident, you remember that. One froze during the coming winter in your arms, a tiny block of hair and ice in your arms that you carried through the perigree until you had to let her go. One was stolen by a seadweller with curls to his chin and a glint of gold on the hands that pulled her out of her boat to vanish onto the land that you can’t walk on. Two were snapped up by the jaws of the Leviathan in a bitter, bitter feud. The water they swam in was cold, but the teeth of the monster was even colder and covered in maroon.

So many failures, so much heartbreak and pain but you were determined to change that. You’ll have one charge of your survive if you could help it, even if you had to drag the little thing out of the Leviathan’s cold, snakeish maw.

But first - you had to find one.

You’ve been charge-less for… a long, long while you think. The seasons have come and gone and the waters froze hundreds of times and you haven’t had a single glimpse of your shade of red in the caverns. The call of the lusii dragged you back to the mouth of the caverns every season alongside every other animal in the sea and you waited. All of you waited and even as the sharks and the fish shied away from you, you didn’t harm a scale on their heads as you waited for the grubs to fall into the water looking for their lusii. There was so much purple and the occasional pink in the clouds of wrigglers, but not red.

Not a single speck of red - so you decided to take… drastic action.

The first time you stuck your arm into the cavern, you weren’t sure what you were doing. There was a lot of fumbling and scooping and you’re sure you squished your fair share of eggs as you tried to grasp at the grubs, but you were… Somewhat successful? A long, thorough swipe brought an entire group of grubs into the water of all colors. Yellows and greens and reds muddied up the water with the usual purples and the fish around you thrashed with alarm around the grubs. You did your best to pick through the tiny, wriggling bodies but you couldn’t find one with the chrome you’re looking for.

The second time ended up the same, but you had a better time scooping up the grubs. This time, it was mostly the warmer colors. By the tenth time you did it, you had perfected the art of stealing grubs to look for your own - but season after season you’ve never found one. Once, you did find one that was close - but a quick inspection showed that she was gill-less and limp in the water. Not a nudge could even bring the little rust back up to life and you just smacked her to the sharks nearby in a fit of anger.

You were bitter. You were bitter and frustration welled up inside of you season after season and all you wanted was to bring this cavern down around the screaming jades and the empty headed fish cowering from the cavern’s entrance. Patience, you reminded yourself, was a virtue. That was what your charge told you so long ago and you took that phrase as a personal mantra. Patience. Patience, patience, patience.

So you came back, season after season after season until the seasons changed and the waters froze and unfroze, until generations of fish died around you and your clam shell home became too small for you and you had to move to something larger. It felt fruitless.

And yet, you persevered.

The latest winter was bitter and rough but you could feel the newest call to the caverns and no matter how badly you wanted to stay behind, you dragged yourself out of your home and trudged down the seabed to the caverns. The fish swarmed around you and the sharks that threaded between your legs were just slow enough for you to curl around them and stuff them into your mouth.

A little snack, you mused as you crunched on their fragile skulls. A little something to maybe make this disappointing night a bit better.

It didn’t take long to get there and you shoved the rest of the lusii out of the way to get up to the entrance. They parted easily enough - and anyone who didn’t was squished beneath your massive body. You've grown much bigger since your first foray to these caverns and you needed all the room you could get, other lusii be damned. Sucks to be them, though. Why would you care about their wellbeing when you had a mission to do? With one hefty grunt, you lifted yourself up and suction cupped yourself to the entrance and resigned yourself to another night of disappointment as you shoved your arms inside the cavern.

The jades tried their best to reinforce the caverns against you over the sweeps, but it was easy to break through the doors they put into place. It was too easy and this season wasn’t any different. The metal doors shrieked and snapped under your arms and you could hear the faint sound of “For fuck’s sake!” through the water as you started to probe.

You scooped and scooped and searched because you refused to give up, because you had a duty to your charges both past and future and you were determined to fulfill it. By fucking god, you were going to do it and no matter how many times your arms were pricked by the pins of guns and spears by jades, you were still determined to take the grubs from their pools.

The latest batch of grubs collapsed into the water in a cloud of reds and oranges and you could see some of the lusii dart forward to look for their own charge. You didn’t care if they did, not really. They won’t start eating these ones until they stop thrashing - they had long since learned what would happen if they started eating too early.

The grubs were small - Much too small for your massive body to poke through - but you were diligent. You threw away any that weren’t red and within those grubs, you looked for more exact chromes. This one was too dark, you huffed as you tossed the grub towards the giant sea stars. This one was too light, this one had long, pointy horns so unlike the horns of your other charges. This one bit you in its panic and you turned it into a smear against the rock.

None of them were right, you thought bitterly as you sorted. None of them were -

You paused.

There was one, up near the entrance of the cavern that you missed. It floated in place, curled into a little ball and if you watched, it uncurled, scrabbled forward a few feet and then curled up again when a fish brushed up against it. It had the wide, spaded tail the fishchildren had but it was red this time. A vivid red, with just a hint of pink that you rarely found in the other warmer grubs you pulled.

You reached forward with a slow, careful tentacle to the tiny little thing and it only seemed to curl up tighter once you touched it. It didn’t panic like the other grubs did in the water, with thrashing and muted, choked squeaks as water filled their lungs. No, this one was calm. Confused, a bit timid, but not panicking. It had soft hair and curled horns and as you pried the tail from its face and held it up in front of your massive eye, you could see a familiar little face.

A soft face, a kind one that’ll turn into black eyed doe-ness and a quiet voice that you once used to know. You could almost feel the aching in your body fade to something sweeter, something that made you want to hole up in your caves and stare at her for nights on end.

You curled the tiny little baby up against your mantle, tangling your tentacles tight around her so she wouldn’t go floating away. What an awful way to lose a charge this early on if she slipped away! You found another after so long of being alone, you’d hate it if you had to go through all of that again. No, you thought as you sped away from the cavern, mindful of the little ball of arms that you sequestered your tiny little charge in. You were going to do our best to make sure this one is going to survive. You’ll keep her safe, if only so you can see her grow big, just like your stolen one. Just so you can see her smile, like the doe-eyed ones.

Winter made the water cold around the two of you, but it didn’t bother you. The tiny scrabbling of grub feet against your suckers reminded you of what you had hidden away and you could feel your own heart thaw, even as the ice seeped in around you.

Patience was indeed a virtue and as of tonight, you do think you’re the most virtuous of them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! This is a good one to start these drabbles on. They're not going to be chronological, but I wanted this one of Krakendad finding Orivar for the first time to be first because it gives a good foundation of her father and her lineage. All the previous charges in the fic were old ancestors of hers, lost to time.


	2. Two Kinds of Monsters (Inktober Drabble - Monster)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags for this chapter:  
> Impending execution  
> kidnapping/being held captive

**== > Orivar Tyrgan | 7 Sweeps | In the wilderness southeast of Jyyr's Bay, in the Circus of Fools camp**

Sharp teeth glinted in the light. Ice was crusted onto your coat and the lantern sputtered in your hand. You were so scared. You’ve never been as scared as you were when the monster rose up out of the water, out of the inky black depths of the cavern pool and fixated on you and bloodless lips pulled back over dozens of needle-like teeth. It looked like a troll but it never sounded like one. It didn’t move like one, it slinked like a snake towards you and it’s eyes…

Its eyes were as dead as the winter trees outside that cave.

It terrified you, It made you afraid of the dark but even if you had a light to chase it away you still had the same dream over and over and over.

It rose out of the water, hissing. You try to run. You trip, it catches up to you, you try to put up an arm to protect yourself and the teeth sink into your arm like a hot knife through butter. They’re so thin it doesn’t even hurt and that makes your guts turn to ice - right before claws sunk into them and pulled them out to meet snow.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

It rose. You ran. It ate you anyway.

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if that was the only monster you came across? Wouldn’t you be a happier troll if you knew that was the only thing you had to be scared of, that your monsters were pale creatures in caves you promised you'd never enter again?

Unfortunately for you, that was the furthest thing from the truth. There were more monsters out there and not all of them had needle teeth and were stashed away in a faraway cave. Some were smaller, more troll sized, with blunt teeth and a smile as warm as the summer and black and white clay smeared across apple cheeks.

This time, you're not dreaming. You're awake now and you could see them from where you lay, illuminated by the dying light of the sun and the soft glow of the rising moons. Simpering, frilly assholes, you thought as you curled up tighter on the hay bales. They were all milling about the carnival, bells-a-jingling and setting up the food stands. Some clown goes riding by in front of you, balanced perfectly on their unicycle and calling for someone to get the faygo dunk tank filled up. Next to you, one of the carnival ponies snuffled and stuck a head over the stall walls to stare. You turned away from the cracks in the makeshift shed to glare at the pony but - you can’t for long. What did he ever do to you? He was trapped here as much as you were, with the same ropes around his neck as you had around your ankles.

You shuffled, just a bit, and the pony whinnied at you again. Across the stable, you can hear a troll sniffle.

Poor Gisilt. A quick glance over the edge of your blanket showed the formless lump that was him, with a shock of white hair and unnervingly bleached horns just barely sticking out from underneath an even rattier cover than you had. He’d been crying the entire day. He started midday, right as you were actually able to doze off and it’s been going since then. You’d go over there and smack him yourself if you weren't painfully aware that he had a good reason to cry.

After all, who wouldn’t once they knew that they were going to die in just a few hours? All because your blood was almost a milky, pale yellow? And not only that, executed as a grand show after an entire perigree of being a freak show's entertainment to a troupe of entitled, purple-blooded monsters dressed as trolls? You could almost hear the laughter and jokes that’ll fill up the performance tent when the mutant gets marched up there, as though it was all some big sadistic fucking joke.

Poor, poor fucking Gisilt. If you were a better troll, you’d have tried to comfort him but you weren't. There was no better troll here, not in you, and you didn’t want to face the fact that in a week, you were going to be the next big culling show. Why remind yourself now?

So you let him cry. He cried, and cried and cried until his eyes were too raw to cry any more and his throat was nothing but dust and sand and the moons came up one last time for his dry eyes to see.

And right on cue, right as you turned your eyes back to the cracks in the shed wall, you can see the troupe master come prancing on up. They moved like they were dancing to a silent song, with fluffy pom-poms on their collar flying up with every twirl and jump. Big apple cheeks were already creased up with an eternal smile and it sent a spear of fear deeper into your gut than needle teeth embedded in a pale face.

Monsters, you thought dimly as the troupe leader started unlocking the shed door, were everywhere. Monsters didn’t just live in the dark, they lived in the moonlight and had lilting voices that called to all of you mutants to wake up, it’s time for a brand new Messiah blessed night. They didn’t all have thin teeth and hissed like snakes, sometimes they had warm smiles and long sticks to prod trolls awake with.

At least, you thought as you pushed yourself up after the stick jabbed at your thigh and careful of the scuttlebuggy battery and tools you had stashed under your hay bales, these monsters you could deal with. With a few stolen tools and some know-how about how to strip the protective casing and wire it just so, you could make these monsters fear you. Your rage and revenge will be fiery and explosive and for once, you could be the troll in their nightmares and you'll get a taste of what it means to be in control.

And oh, it will be sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Orivar was younger, she ran into a feral troll living in the caves in the wilds where she lived. She survived the encounter, but she went directly from the frying pan into the fire when she ended up running into the Circus of Fools.
> 
> A subsect of regular subjug faith, the Circus of Fools places an emphasis on revelry and enjoyment and they take it out of everything they see, evening going as far as casually pushing Fleet laws to keep mutants alive for their 'freak shows' (but, to keep their government stipends for being a church of the messiahs, they have to execute them at some point.)
> 
> She manages to get out, ofc, but it laid the groundwork for EXTRA hostile and aggressive behavior in the future.


	3. Tide Me Over (Inktober Drabble - Warmth)

**== > Orivar Tyrgan | 10 Sweeps | Ghoulisar, Vadaya's apartment**

“Well,” You said softly, staring down into your lap. “Fuck me sideways, I guess.”

When you decided to call on ID’s shitty little bluff in the chat to come and visit Vadaya while he was sick, you didn’t expect for it to end like this. You expected you’d get ID hissing and Vadaya scolding him and maybe a quick conversation and a cup of tea before you hit the road back hive again, but this? No, never this.

And what was this, exactly? Well, ‘this’ was a three hundred pound indigo soldier slumped over on your lap, cheek squished up against a seat cushion and his shoulder jammed up against your thigh and he was very, very much asleep. Oh, and did you mention the part where he scooted closer to you? Close enough to squish the air out of your lungs and pin you to the couch without the ability to even lean?

Yeah. Yeah that part was pretty important.

You know ID complained about Vadaya cuddling up on him for warmth in chat but it never quite occurred to you that Vadaya would try to do that with you. You were just a friend after all, not a quadrant or a batterymate or - or anyone he had any good reason to be so physically affectionate with! You thought, maybe, you'd be a _good_ friend and drop off something to help keep him warm, because friends watch out for one another. They don't _cuddle._ Maybe he mistook you as someone else? That had to be it but... it didn’t help the fact that your heart was beating a mile a minute for the first fifteen minutes he laid there.

You tried to shake him a bit, but all that got you was a groan and him clutching his electric blanket closer. You tried to wiggle your way out from under him, but honestly, all you got was what you assume is a new bruise where he jammed his shoulder in to readjust himself.

Reality was a cruel mistress and she was slapping you in the face and telling you that you were trapped here for the foreseeable future. Trapped, with your phone tossed halfway down the couch with your jacket and devastatingly out of reach. There would be no help for you tonight.

Honestly, with that sort of situation, would anyone blame you for what you were doing now? No, you mused, forehead creasing as you think. No, you don’t think anyone should. Besides, staring at someone you’re crushing on while they sleep on you is pretty…standard, right? Isn't that what happens in romance films?

God, you hope so because otherwise you're pretty sure this was downright fucking creepy.

Vadaya was turned away from you but if you leaned forward just so, you could see the profile of his face. His eyebrows were bunched up as he slept, mouth open just a tad and sniffling all the while but he was still pretty cute. His eyes were darting wildly underneath his eyelids and you’re sure you can see his cheeks twitch with the barest hint of... some sort of expression too. It made you wonder what he was dreaming about. Was it good? Was it bad? Would he even remember? He better fucking have a good dream, otherwise you’re going to be miffed he not only pinned you to your seat for a nap, but he didn’t even enjoy the nap in the first place.

No, you’re lying. You wouldn’t be miffed, you grudgingly acquiesced. You’d just be concerned like the soft hearted little six sweep old you apparently were. It’s honestly embarrassing how much you acted like you acting like a pupa with their first crush and you vowed to yourself to sit down later and try to tamp those feelings down again. If you didn't, you're sure you'd fuck it up yet again. You managed to reign in your initial panic when you realized your feelings so that you didn’t completely rip your friendship apart with him with fickle moods, but… well. It didn’t get rid of them.

But you need to remind yourself of reality so you _don't_ lose your mind like a pupa.

You tried hard to give yourself talks to stop getting so excited when you see him. You tried hard to tell yourself not to get your hopes up, that it won’t work, that you’re sure he’d never like you back but every time you say the littlest glimpse of violet on your handhusk screen, well… It was pretty hard for your heart not do the best impression of an ooey, gooey molten marshmallow that it could do.

You know, the exact same thing it was doing now as you watched him snuffle and bury his nose into your thigh.

Dammit. Okay, it's time to talk yourself down again. You were weak. Weak and too emotional, said the snide part of you. This is how you end up dead, it taunts and your eyebrows creased together as your heart beat a bit slower - but not because it calmed you. This was a bit colder, a bit tighter and like you should start eyeing up the exits in the room. But hey, it was working!

You were playing a dangerous game. This? Your friendship with an imperial? Your crush on one? Hell, even your little dallying around with Videle was an issue too, but at least you knew Vide wouldn’t turn you into the cullpits. If you had to, she’d be easy to kill - but no, what you worried about most there was breaking her poor pumper. But Vadaya?

Vadaya was different. His entire job, his entire life was about enforcing Fleet law and Fleet law did state that you shouldn’t even exist. He was a troll who killed one to save one hundred - maybe he’d make your death quicker and painless but it didn’t mean you wouldn’t die.

Your hands curled up around neck and you try your best to keep your breathing even because you started to realize you made a mistake. This pep talk was going a too far for your comfort and it was dredging up all the things that made you panic. What would Vide say if she was here with you right now? What would she say if she saw you panicking again? Something, something something about not going down the spiral, that it wasn’t as bad as you thought it was, he was your friend and all and he wouldn’t kill a friend.

Maybe, you thought as your teeth grind together. Maybe he wouldn’t, if he just still thought you were a friend and nothing more.

It took a minute, but you just had to focus on something else than your thoughts. Focus on something else, like the sound of trolls on the streets outside, the sound of Xrus sniffing at the air from where he slept like he was noticing the sudden fear saturating the air, or the feeling of fabric against your gills or the… the soft sound of Vadaya against your legs. Blissfully asleep and blissfully unaware of what was going on, of what you were.

… And wasn’t that enough?

You had plans for the future. You had plans to run once you couldn’t stay on Alternia anymore, plans to disappear and cut off everyone you knew. That wasn’t going to change no matter what happened tonight or tomorrow night or ever. Leaving everything behind and taking on a new name and a new life was a given and it’s not like anyone can actually find you once you drop off. There’s going to be no consequences that haunt you after you leave because they can’t find you.

If that’s the case… shouldn’t you just enjoy it while you can? Enjoy the feelings jams with Vide, enjoy your job where you don’t feel like you need to watch over your back and enjoy your best fucking friend napping on your lap because he liked you for _you._

You’re broken out of your thoughts for a moment as Vadaya sighed, heavy and deep and you studied him to see if he woke. He doesn’t, thankfully, but he shuffled again in your lap and you watched as his curls fell into his face.

There’s a moment of hesitation but after a second you reached forward to brush the hair back and hook it behind a finned ear. It’s a gamble because it might wake him up, but it looked like you were lucky tonight. The hair is firmly tucked and he didn't even twitch when your fingers brushed against his cheek. So, you know, you did the smart thing and do it again. Just to catch the stray strands of hair, that’s all.

His cheek is smooth and icy cold and your fingers passed over the shallow bump of a mole and it’s nice. He’s nice and you can almost feel the ice cold tension in your throat start to thaw just a bit. It’s not completely gone but it’ll do.

You don't dare touch his cheek a third time. You’re too nervous about waking him up so you indulged yourself in combing your fingers through his hair instead. It’s just as nice as the rest of him, silky smooth and twisted with curls that catch on your hands. It made you think, briefly, about what he’d be like if he had long hair. He could have it long and curly and tied together at his neck and have it fan out across his back. He’d look rather handsome, you thought. It would be a wildly different Vadaya, but what could you say? You liked long hair and you liked him.

The tips of your nails are gentle as they scratched along his scalp. The long bangs of his get readjusted, pulled back and tucked out of the way behind a horn now and you hummed at the contact. It was just the two of you after all and he was asleep. It didn’t hurt to indulge in a little bit of familiarity you’d never actually have, right? You’ll be dropping it all anyway soon so why not play pretend? Why not delude yourself for an hour that you were normal and could do normal things? Maybe you were a pupa with a first crush, but you didn't have to act like one and throw it in people's faces. You were mature enough to handle it quietly, to just sit back and... imagine how nice it’ll be to lean down and press a kiss against his cheek. It's a bit pupa-ish, but you could fantasize for a bit that he’d wake up after that and give you a sleepy smile and reach up to hold your hand. It’s not like it’ll ever actually happen, so it's nice to think about to try to blunt the edge of the ooey, gooey feelings still bleeding out in your chest.

Vadaya’s not yours. He never will be, and that's okay.

But, for an hour, you could pretend that it’s a possibility while he napped on you, cold as ice, and that kept you warm on the inside. It's enough to tamp down the raging impulses of emotions from earlier and enough to help keep the icy fear at bay and that's all you needed. You had to last long enough to make it off of Alternia without any incident.

“Just a little bit,” You murmured, so low that it wouldn’t even count as a whisper. “Just a little to tide me over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND HERE'S THE FLUFFY. Kind of fluffy. Orivar has a lot of innate anxiety to the point where she probably needs to see a doctor about it. SHE FREAKS OUT ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS and freaks out REALLY HARD about them.
> 
> Her crush on Vadaya has been going on for awhile now and she's never really known what to do about it. She's never dated anyone flush before, so she's constantly torn between wanting to keep him close and make out with him or push him away because she's terrified of the mortifying ideal of being Known. Mix in the fact that she's yet to tell him she's a mutant herself, well... The stakes just get that much higher. She does genuinely love him though and doesn't want to hurt him. Unfortunately, she's also pretty socially stunted so some of the shit she does that she thinks will help doesn't help at all and instead just hurts both of them at the same time because she pulls away without any explanation.
> 
> TLDR, she's a mess.


	4. Lost at Sea (Ask Drabble - Lost at Sea)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't exactly an Orivar drabble, but rather of her ancestor Eumeleia.
> 
> Eumeleia is a sad, sad troll.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Kidnapping/Being held captive  
> Abuse/implied further abuse

**== > Oslaug "Eumeleia" Tyrgan | 31 Sweeps | Sinclair's personal spacecraft**

Astronaut.

It was built of two root words, ‘Astro’ for the stars, and ‘naut’ for the sea.

A sea sailor. Someone who swam through the empty blackness of space and used the tiny specks of galaxies and stars around them to traverse the expanses before them. The gaping maw of the universe was deeper than any ocean and those brave enough to travel through it were true captains of the stars.

Sometimes, if you pretended hard enough, you could pretend you were a sailor again.

One hand came up to press at the thick, thick glass before you and your eyes searched through the expanse before you. Your hair floated in a cloud behind you like a wall to separate you from where you really were and you swayed your head from side to side to keep it from drifting into your face. This pool was one of a kind - as far as you knew - with a reinforced glass bubble jutting out past the walls of the space station, allowing seadwellers (or you) to ‘swim’ into space.

All the comforts of the depths of the water, but none of the grisly, horrific deaths associated with space walking.

It didn’t make you feel better.

You felt lost out here. Water was always supposed to be your home, supposed to be your place to retreat to in comfort, supposed to be something that kept you safe and protected and was your home -

But out here, this wasn’t your home. You were ripped from that ages ago and you were here, thousands upon thousands of miles away from where you were hatched. Thousands and thousands of miles away from your little hive on the waterfront, your tiny little fishing boat, your lusus…

You felt so lost out here, among the stars. You weren't an astronaut, lead by the pinpricks of far away suns. You were a castaway, lost and confused and floating out in the darkness. Dark hair behind you, dark skies in front and weightless. It's too much to bear and you pressed your forehead against the glass as the pain ached in your chest.

But you don't get to bear it for long. A booming thud rang out through the water and you turned your head quickly to look up at the surface, just in time to see the image of a distorted figure walking up to the pool edge.

Sinclair, you thought quietly, twisting to push up towards the surface. You couldn’t avoid him, even if you wanted to.

The seadweller seemed impatient today, you realized as you poked your head above the water. Your hair spread out in a blanket behind you and he seemed to tsk at the sight of it.

“Truly, darling?” He asked, scratching at his sideburns. “You chose now of all times to go swimming?” His purple eyes were piercing and you couldn’t help but duck your head down to avoid his gaze. You couldn’t help yourself, you just wanted… you just wanted some peace. You don't dare to say that out loud though.

Sinclair kneeled before you. “Eumealia, sweetheart, you do realize what we have in an hour, do you? Important meetings for me, lots of contract work, so many trolls to, convince, - “ He said that with a poisoned point to his words and his fingers reached forward to grab at your chin. The pads of his palms were rough and his grip was tight and you already knew you were going to have bruises to cover up later. He never could figure out how strong his highblood strength was and he didn’t quite care. “ - And don’t forget, you’ll be doing the convincing. Might as well put that voice of yours to work, hmm? No point in wasting a good mind controlling psionic when you can be helping me expand my businesses.“

He gave your chin a few rough shakes and then shoved you away back into the water. Sinclair stood as you hid your face in the water, huffing and brushing imaginary dirt off of his pants.

“Don’t take too long floating around, love. You’ve got work to do. Pretty up and get ready to sing in an hour. You're my little siren, here to put on a show.” He shot you a suave little wink and started to stalk off back into the depths of the station and you… you sighed.

You sighed and sank and let the expanse of your hair engulf you, falling deeper and deeper into the pool. The walls of the ship fell away beside you and suddenly… there was space. Enough space to get lost in. Space that you could drift in for centuries, alone and silent with each passing star and asteroid. It's a new sea to live in, a new home so you let yourself float away.

There was a soft little thud as you collided with the glass bottom of the dome and you turned into your side to stare out the only thing keeping you away from the stars.

The darkness was unrelenting out there but it didn’t give you comfort behind the glass. It's a new sea to live in but it's not actually the sea you wanted to live in.

There were no fish out here, no whales or marine life or kraken and you… you were no sailor.

You were just a troll, lost in the sea of stars. A castaway clinging to a log and hoping desperately for something to change.

Something. Anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eumeleia is actually a pretty big influence in Orivar's life, even if she was long since killed before her descendant was born. Technically, Orivar's entire line should be filled with soft, gentle and kind trolls but Eumeleia's death and captivity up to her death were traumatic enough that when she died, she spent her last few moments consumed with hatred and anger that ended up being passed down to Orivar. This is partially why Orivar is so naturally heated and hostile towards other highbloods and isn't inclined to kindness, as Eumeleia's impression on the lineage wanted to send her out to seek vengeance for what happened to her.
> 
> Orivar isn't exactly aware of this though and she's just trying to do her best to keep her head above the water rather than trying to follow the tugs of fate stringing her along.
> 
> This was just a brief snapshot into the everyday life Eumeleia had when she was stolen.


	5. Self-Sufficiency (Ask Drabble - Memories)

**== > Orivar Tyrgan | 5 sweeps old | Outskirts of Jyyr's bay**

“Fuck!” You cursed, snapping your hand back away from the sparking engine. “God damn it -” You hopped away from the machine, twisting on your feet and dropping the pliers from your stinging hand. “Fucking christ.”

The moonlight was bright tonight and you held your fingers out to inspect them. The burning sensation was brief but the tingling remained. It didn’t seem like it was that bad though, even though your hands still gave the occasional twitch just a bit from the electricity. But, at least the tremor stopped after a few minutes and you sighed in relief, leaning up against the pier pole.

You’ve been working on this ship for almost three months now and you’re so close to done you could almost TASTE it. It floats, the roof doesn’t leak, the windows are sealed and you’ve already stocked it full of things you need. You don’t have much - not yet - but you have something. Some basic dishware, a cot in the back, a table, a chair and a bookshelf. It’s bare, but it’s still a hive. It’s a hive you were making _yourself._

You turned your head to glance on over to the hive on the hill, where Talgan sat on the porch. He watched you from up there and you could almost hear his tut of disappointment as he watched you slack. ‘He could think whatever the hell he wanted to think’ you thought with a spiteful snip and pulled an oil-smeared rag out of your pants.

You took a few sure steps forward and sat down heavily at the end of the pier. “Stupid ship,” you muttered as you stared at your reflection in the water. “Stupid engine, stupid electrical system.” A foot kicked out at the water, breaking the reflection and letting it ripple out. 

The soft image of a ghostly tentacle flowed underneath the water and you sigh when the tip came up to touch at your feet. Your lusus was gentle, curious and comforting and you wiggled your foot. “Hi dad,” you murmured as you looked out farther into the bay. The bulk of his body laid in the deep, deep depths out there but you know he could still see you. He was still watching and always will be. He must have seen you and your little temper tantrum and that made a swell of anger bubble up inside of you. “Temper, control yer temper, ye little shit." You could almost hear Talgan’s coarse voice in your ears, chiding you for giving up so quickly.

…Wait.

Your head swiveled, and you almost jumped with surprise to see the olive walking towards you. "Temper,” He gruffed out again, jamming his stiff fingers into a pair of gloves. Your teeth ground together out of irritation and you pushed yourself up to your own feet to meet him.

“I’m trying,” You snipped back, shooting him a dark look. “You’re not exactly helping you know.”

He gave out a dry, raspy bark of laughter and slapped a hand down on the ship’s engine. His fingers started to prod and pull at the wiring and it takes all of your self control to not smack him with your rag as the lengths of wire were pulled out of their careful knots. “D'ye think ahm gonna be 'round tae help yeh?” He shot back with a touch of venom. “Ahm not yer lusus, girl, so take care of yerself. How else will ye learn how tae fix things yerself if some poor sop comes along an' does it for ye?”

The sound of your teeth grinding together is loud at this point and you start shooing his hands away from your ship. “I can fix it myself!” You insisted indignantly. “I’ve gone this far haven’t I? I’ve got nearly a whole ship -”

“Nearly,” He interrupted coldly and your teeth clacked shut with frustration. “A mostly fixed ship ain't a usable one.” He raked another careful eye over the engine and snorted. One of his hands started to delve deep into his coat and you seethed at him even as he rummaged in his pocket. Then, he pulled out a book and jabbed it into your chest.

The edge of the book is surprisingly sharp and you yelped, grabbing it before he could drop it. You shot him another dirty look before glancing down at the book.

“The Electrician’s basic guide?” You said aloud after a moment, after the title processed in your head. Your head shot up to watch him as he walked away.

“Learn, Orivar. Ye got two hands an' a head on yer shoulders don't ye? Now don’t waste 'em.”

Your teeth ground together again as he walked back to his hive and you huffed as you dropped down to the pier again. Turning the book this way and that through your hands, you continued to inspect it.

Then, you gave out a resigned sigh and cracked it open. Time to learn, you guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talgan was one of the biggest influences on Orivar's life as she was growning up. He's an older troll, an ex rebel who's friends were slaughtered and to avoid it, disappeared into the wilds of Alternia. Now he's still hiding, aging, and can't decide if he regrets saving the tiny wriggler orivar off of a wintery beach or if it was all worth it. 
> 
> Either way, he's a hyper paranoid, survival of the fittest kind of guy who's determined to make sure Orivar knows how to keep herself alive and how not to rely on others.


	6. Come to the Water (Ask Drabble - Memories)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings for this chapter:  
> Drowning/Believing she's drowning

**== >Orivar Tyrgan | 3 Sweeps | On the outskirts of Jyyr's Bay, Talgan's Hive **

There was a deep, low rumbing coming from the water. The rumbling has been coming for a few days now. You could hear it, even when you were sleeping. It shook the air and the mist around the village and sent trolls hiding underneath their blankets. Some whispered it was giving them nightmares.

You were one of them.

You thrashed on your cot, your head filled with pictures of the sea and deep, dark things, things that crawled and glowed. Pictures flashed in your mind of whirlpools and anemones with teeth and crushing arms and the scent of blood. It played in your head, mutated, changed into something deeper and all you could see was water crushing around you and something big, something white staring at you -

Eventually, you woke up with a start. Sweat made your hair cling to your face, your blankets and pillows thrown across the small hive. Across the room, Talgan slept. He didn’t seem bothered by your thrashing, so that was good. You’re not sure if you could have taken another one of his ‘disciplinary’ spoon smacks. Your knuckles were bloody enough as it is. You inhaled sharply and swung your legs out of bed.

The long, groaning rumble rang out again. It was a moan, organic and persistent, and it made the air shake in your ears as you padded on over to the window.

Down below, in the bay, you could see him.

Your lusus lurked just underneath the water’s edge like a white ghost, the sight almost surreal to look at. It didn’t look real with how big he was, but there he sat, staring up at you through the window. A thick, white tentacle raised up out of the water and rested gently against the pier, squirming with impatience. The deep rumble sounded out again and you realized with a start what it means.

_'Come here Orivar.’_

_'Come to the water.’_

Your tiny hands shook as you opened the door to the hive. The air was chilly and sharp with the oncoming winter, but it didn’t bother you. The cold never did. The vestigial, broken gills on your neck flared at the cold but you barely even shivered as you started down the steep, stone steps to the road - and consequently, the pier and beach below. In the water, you could feel the eyes of your lusus staring at you.

_'Come here.’_

Even at three sweeps old, you’re not sure if you’ve ever really bonded with your lusus. As far as you know, you’ve barely had any interactions since Talgan found you on the beach almost two sweeps ago. You were cold, alone and shivering and he helped bring you in, fed you and gave you clothes to wear. Since then, you’ve avoided any contact with your lusus. Sure, you’ve seen him. You’ve seen him out in the bay, watched him as he bumped the fishing boats and slowly, slowly get closer over the perigrees. It frightened the villagers and you know they’ve began telling stories. The one you’ve heard the most was that he planned on crawling on land and eating them all, but you doubted that. He wouldn’t do that.

_…Would he?_

You stopped when you reached the beginning of the pier. Your lusus still lurked under the water, the lone white tentacle laying on the edge. But, he was quiet. No rumbling, no groaning or moans - just the gentle lap of the water against the shore.

_'Orivar.’_

A shudder went down your spine, and you stepped forward carefully.

He never would… he wouldn’t hurt you, would he? You bit your lip as you wandered closer. He was your lusus, he wouldn’t hurt you. That’s not what lusii do. Lusii protect you, from everything. He won’t hurt you, or eat you, or drown you - not like what the others said.

They don’t know him.

(You don’t know him either but you like to say you do.)

The edge of the pier was damp. Your bare toes curled against the wood as you inspected the tentacle draped around the pole in front of you. It was pale, glistening wet and thicker than a canoe. It didn’t move, not even when you kneeled to touch it. First, just with your fingertips, then you pressed your whole palm against it. Cold. Just as cold as the water below.

You stroked it, and you felt it move. It tightened around the pier and you could see the bulky shape of your lusus as he pushed closer to you. See, you thought to yourself, as another tentacle came out of the water and ran across the wooden pier and slitered up behind your back. See, there’s nothing to be afraid of, he just wanted to say hello -

The tentacle around your back curled around you with surprising speed and you gasped loudly as it crushed you in a vice like grip. Panic started to bubble inside your chest and before you could even scream, you were in the water.

Your lusus dragged you deep, deep within the cold depths - deeper than you’ve ever dived - and fear overcame you. You kicked, you beat, you tried so hard to escape even as he pulled you farther and farther away from the surface.

'No. No, no, no no no!’ Was the only thing that crossed your mind. You couldn’t breathe. You only had so much air in your lungs, you couldn’t - you couldn’t get up to the surface in time if he kept dragging you down. What was he doing, he was going to kill you.

_Your lusus was trying to kill you._

Just the thought itself seized you with terror and your mouth opened to scream. You were going to die here, you realized as all of your air bubbled in front of you. Talgan was right. Talgan was right, your lusus was no lusus at all. A monster, and you felt like you could cry. You did, actually, though tears could only do so much when you’re in water.

Your chest heaved with a sob and water rushed in. It burned. It burned, oh god, as it filled your lungs and you could feel your lusus’s tentacles go lax around your body. You closed your eyes, even as the burn spread through your chest…

…And then, it faded.

Your eyelids stayed firmly shut, even as the pain seemed to ebb away. You were still breathing though. Your chest heaved up and down and… you weren’t dead. Water moved through your lungs, through your… your gills in your neck, through your body.

But, weren’t they broken? Talgan always told you they were. Why were they… why weren’t you dead?

Heart beating hard in your chest, you opened your eyes and realized you were face to face with your lusus. He was still before you, tentacles surrounding you like a net of suckers and skin and you blinked. One reached up behind you, and nudged you closer. Flinching, you recoiled from the touch, but it nudged you again. It nudged you closer and closer until you were almost flush against the gap between his massive eyes and then it held you there.

You pressed your cheek against his cool skin, stunned. You could still feel the current of water moving through your gills and nothing burned, nothing hurt and you were alive and being held by your lusus. It wasn't something you understood very well but you certainly weren't dead and you were breathing water and... well.

You weren't sure what to do now but hug back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After Orivar was found by her lusus, he quickly realized that he couldn't take care of her with winter nipping at the heels of his lowblooded - and thus warmblooded - charge. He had no desire to lose another charge so one of the first things he did was place her on land where he could make sure he didn't accidentally freeze her to death. Lucky for her, she was found pretty early on by another troll and taken care of! But this meant that for awhile while she was growing up, she never had a good relationship with her lusus until this moment explored in the drabble. Very formative for her and the beginning of a close bond!


End file.
